When I saw this quote on the wall at my son’s nursery it stopped me in my tracks:
"When you cut it for me, write it for me, find it for me, open it for me, tie it for me...all I learn is that you do it better than me."
This simple statement made me pause and reflect on how much I do for my children and how much I could let them try on their own. As a former teacher, I understand the value of promoting independence—skills that will serve them well into adulthood. But as a parent, I also want them to feel secure, supported, and loved, not like they're being left to figure things out alone. Balancing these instincts isn’t easy, and I often wonder if I'm getting it right. I remind myself that encouraging independence doesn’t mean rushing their childhood; it’s about gently building their confidence, step by step, with the reassurance that I’m always there if they need me.
Maria Montessori’s approach, which encourages independence, emphasises the idea that children learn best when they can explore and problem-solve on their own. In Montessori classrooms, child-sized furniture and easy-access materials create an environment where children can reach, choose, and try things themselves. This setup teaches kids responsibility and nurtures a love for learning by allowing them to be active participants rather than passive recipients.
As parents, we can bring a bit of this approach home. It doesn’t require overhauling our routines or remodelling the house—small changes can make a big difference. Here are a few practical ways to promote independence in your everyday routine:
Create Accessible Spaces: Arrange your home so that your child can reach their things, like a low drawer for clothes, a stool by the bathroom sink and a low-down shelf with a few of their favourite toys in easy reach. This small step makes them feel capable and involved.
Encourage Self-Care Skills: Give your child time to try dressing themselves, putting on shoes, setting their place at the table, pouring their own drink. Allowing for some messiness in these moments is part of the learning process.
Do Tasks Together: Invite your child to help with small tasks, like preparing meals, sorting washing or tidying up. This builds skills but also lets them experience the pride of contributing to family routines.
Praise Effort Over Results: Instead of saying, “Well done” try acknowledging the effort: “You really worked hard on that!” It encourages them to value perseverance over perfection.
Give Choices Within Boundaries: Offer simple choices, like which book to read or what snack to have, to give them a sense of control and autonomy.
Hands-On Learning
Young children learn best through hands-on experiences that engage their senses. When they can touch, smell, hear, taste, and see, they’re not only absorbing knowledge but also connecting deeply with their world so let them get involved, explore and play as much as possible.
These small adjustments may take a little extra time, but they offer opportunities for growth, both for kids and parents. Of course, daily life doesn’t always allow for the ideal Montessori-style patience—I’ve definitely had to step in to tie a shoe or zip a coat in a hurry, and that’s okay. It’s about balance. Giving children the chance to try (and sometimes fail) helps them develop resilience and self-confidence.
When we create an environment that fosters independence, we’re teaching our children that we believe in their abilities, even if it takes a few extra minutes or some clean-up. So, before we jump in to do it for them, let’s remind ourselves to take a breath and let them give it a go.
If you're looking for ways to play and engage with your child while also encouraging their independence, my Busy Brains Activity Packs offer a variety of hands-on activities designed for children from birth to five years old. Each pack includes research-based play ideas that promote learning through exploration and creativity. You can find more information and browse the full range of activity packs on my website at www.busybrainsactivitypacks.co.uk.
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